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50 Shades of Grey was popular for a reason — but you don’t have to be dominated or use sex toys to be more adventurous in bed. “Those are just a few ways that people get turned on,” explains certified sex therapist Sari Cooper. “Just as ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ an experience that is erotic for one person or couple may not turn on another.”
If you still want to dip your toe into the more adventurous side of the bedroom without diving head-first into BDSM, you can. Here’s how.
Initiate sex in a different way.
“Whether that’s a role play at a party — pretending like you just met — or leaving Post-It notes around your apartment with suggestive ideas or even sexting, the invitation to get sexual can contribute a lot of anticipatory excitement,” Cooper says.
Try a new position.
Or, change up the angle for your go-to move. “Having a different angle from which to experience arousal for both of you, and to view your partner, can add a lot of fun,” says Cooper.
Slip on something sexy beneath your clothes.
You don’t have to break the bank buying lingerie. “Wear what you think your partner will be turned on by,” Cooper says. That could be anything from button-clad boy-shorts to silky under garments to a full-on costume “that fulfills a fantasy they have,” she says.
Sign up for a Tantra class.
Or, if you’re shy, just buy a book that explore Tantric sex techniques. “You can learn new ways of touching one another, building erotic energy and connecting emotionally,” says Cooper.
“Buy a sex card or board game online and try it out as a new type of foreplay,” suggests Cooper. You can also make a game you already own sexier by adding your own rules.
Finally, Cooper notes, “Don’t get perfectionistic about the new activity. It may be awkward or funny at first, and that’s okay because it’s new to both of you. Try to maintain a sense of humor about it.”