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We revealed that your husband’s sex drive won’t plummet, kids won’t ruin your sex life, but your husband will likely still watch porn after you tie the knot. But we’re not done yet. Couples psychotherapist and certified sex therapist Sari Cooper has three more married-sex myths to bust!
Myth: You’ll have to make appointments for sex — and that’s really unspontaneous and unsexy.
Yes, there will be days you’ll have to carve out an hour for sexy time. “But that really isn’t any different than when you were dating and one partner asked the other to go out,” Cooper says. “Those were the days or evenings in which you created time to spend intimately, and perhaps with some sexual play. There was anticipation for these dates and that fed to the erotic excitement. So when you make sex dates as a married couple, you can create anticipation with sexy texts or voicemail messages.” So, you see, it’s not really any less spontaneous than when you were dating!
Myth: Your husband will want to have sex under any circumstance.
“Men may have a larger amount of testosterone, a big driver of libido,” says Cooper, “but they aren’t always in the mood for sex.” In fact, when their engines aren’t revved, it can be a source of embarrassment for them. “Maybe they’re exhausted, or worried about work, or anxious about keeping their erection,” Cooper says. “But they are nervous or ashamed to be seen as less ‘manly’ by turning down their wives when they initiate, too.” So don’t take it personally if your guy turns you down every once in awhile.
Myth: You have to look the exact same as you did on your wedding day to keep your husband’s attention. Anything short of that is a failure.
“What happens to many women is that they are harsher judges of their body image than their spouses are,” Cooper says. “Even when their husbands are interested in them sexually, they turn themselves off because they’re too self-conscious or ashamed of what they look like.” Your husband thinks you’re the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, whether you’re 10 days or 10 years past your wedding day, so let your body-image worries go.